Imagine waking up to something that is life-changing scary.
Imagine telling your husband as you cry hysterically to call 911 and your family for help.
Imagine hearing a stranger’s voice trying to calm you down before strapping you in a chair to take you down three flights of stairs from your apartment.
Imagine that drive to the hospital wondering as you go in and out of consciousness if you and your baby will survive.
Imagine seeing a nurse trying to find your baby’s heartbeat and shaking her head no.
Imagine being rushed for a c-section and not really knowing what’s going on.
Imagine waking up not being able to see your baby because they can’t breathe on their own.
Imagine being so in love with someone that you have never really met.
Imagine not seeing your baby for 48 hours because he was to be taken to another hospital.
Imagine having a nurse tell you the next day that the child you’ve never touched, made it through the night.
Imagine your baby having a tube down his throat and all over his body that you can barely see what he looks like.
Imagine only getting to hold your baby for 10 minutes a day because he can’t tolerate being out of an incubator.
Imagine being so excited when his nurse asks if you want to change his diaper, because even the simplest task means you can finally touch him.
Imagine everyday of your baby’s new life being 1 step forward, and 2 steps back.
Imagine having to restrict visitors because they may expose your baby with germs.
Imagine people telling you that you are too controlling, when you are only protecting your son.
Imagine almost going home when your son take a grey spell. (He forget’s to breathe)
Imagine that feeling when the doctor tells you that you can bring home your baby, but your can’t take them anywhere.
Imagine not sleeping for months because you are scared that your child will take another grey spell while sleeping.
Imagine taking your baby for RSV shots every month to protect them from the cold season.
Imagine finally having the doctor say that your baby is healthy.
Imagine finally having a normal life with your child.
Imagine surviving all of this, and truly experiencing a miracle.
I had my son 2 months early in a very chaotic way. The emotions that my husband and I felt that day were so hard to explain to others. I had my son early because I have a heart shaped uterus. Once my son turned one, we tried for another and didn’t have much luck. We started researching adoption.
As a child, I was always telling my friends that I didn’t want to have any children because there were so many children in the world that didn’t have a family. When I was a child of course, I never imagined that it would cost so much money to adopt. All adoptions come with a stress factor so be sure to research your options.
International adoption comes with a huge price tag of between $30,000 – $40,000 depending on the country. With International adoptions, you have to follow the country rules. Some you can’t be a same sex couple, or a single parent. You have to stay in the country from a few days to a few months. You are taking a risk that the child may not have proper medical care and could have developmental delays.
Private adoptions have a price tag of about $20,000. This happens when a parent willingly gives up their rights as a parent and look at adoption. Usually the parent will pick the adoptive families from a portfolio through a private agency in Canada. These tend to have their downfalls as well. There is a 30 day waiting period for a birth parent to change their mind, they’ve also had private agencies go bankrupt and adoptive families have lost their funds for adoption. Private adoptions can all consist of closed and open relationships between the birth families and the adoptive families.
Public adoption was the route we chose. I can afford to provide for a child, but to come up with $20,000 was a hard pill to swallow for me. I wanted to give a child a home that needed one. So with public adoption, we went to the local Children’s Aid Society and started with what they call Pride training that runs for 9 weeks. They do all of their home studies and interviews with the potential adoptive family. This process to be officially on their list and waiting to adopt took almost 2 years. We got our first call to take a child in care after 4 years of waiting. There is no cost for a public adoption. In my opinion, this is likely the most stressful choice, but in the end it was worth it. These adoptions can be closed or open. The degree of openness depends on the situation, and you will not know until your in that situation.
Your first and only option to get started in an adoption process, is to pick what option of adoption you would like to proceed with. We chose the openness for our adoption. If you go back to the top of the blog to review some of our feelings about being excited to touch our child and change a diaper, these are the feelings a birth parent endures while being in a process of having their child being adopted. These are the feelings that you will have to understand and empathize with. You have to be able to put your feelings on hold and learn to pick your battles in open adoption. You have to communicate and understand.
Check out this link for more information on adoption in Canada.